It was a long but pleasant time while I read this post :)
It is an unfortunate humor of life that you have to decide whether you want to live a meaningful or a happy life. Because if you want a meaningful life then you have to care about the future, while if you want to live happily then you have to care for nothing but the present.
It's like Zen, or the Tao. Do whatever you do and be aware of whatever you do, don't let your thoughts flow around in the past and future actions and events. Life is now, and if you think about your past, well, you can learn lots of things by repeatedly thinking of your past mistakes, but you miss your present while you think of the past. And when you plan your future, well, it might work out and you might have the possibility to live your life nearly as you've planned, but you can never know when will come something new what you didn't count with. So either you analyze and plan your life, or you live it.
Of course we all have to work for living. And if you don't plan your future then you'll eventually have nothing. But even if you have something, you'll lose it eventually, because you'll have to die once. Lot of people (including myself) like to think that after reaching some goals they will get the chance for a happy life because then they'll be able to care more about the present and they don't have to bother themselves so much about the future. But most likely this is not true. Because it's not the things what makes you happy, but it's the way you do the things.
Zen is about the how, about how you should do your things, and not about what you should do. It is written in lots of Zen texts that even the most disgusting things can be zen if you do them in the zen way.
Interpreting life as a certain way of living instead of set of goals to achieve is where you can begin to find your own happiness.
It is an unfortunate humor of life that you have to decide whether you want to live a meaningful or a happy life. Because if you want a meaningful life then you have to care about the future, while if you want to live happily then you have to care for nothing but the present.
It's like Zen, or the Tao. Do whatever you do and be aware of whatever you do, don't let your thoughts flow around in the past and future actions and events. Life is now, and if you think about your past, well, you can learn lots of things by repeatedly thinking of your past mistakes, but you miss your present while you think of the past. And when you plan your future, well, it might work out and you might have the possibility to live your life nearly as you've planned, but you can never know when will come something new what you didn't count with. So either you analyze and plan your life, or you live it.
Of course we all have to work for living. And if you don't plan your future then you'll eventually have nothing. But even if you have something, you'll lose it eventually, because you'll have to die once. Lot of people (including myself) like to think that after reaching some goals they will get the chance for a happy life because then they'll be able to care more about the present and they don't have to bother themselves so much about the future. But most likely this is not true. Because it's not the things what makes you happy, but it's the way you do the things.
Zen is about the how, about how you should do your things, and not about what you should do. It is written in lots of Zen texts that even the most disgusting things can be zen if you do them in the zen way.
Interpreting life as a certain way of living instead of set of goals to achieve is where you can begin to find your own happiness.
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Last night I somehow found myself talking to Connor, my ‘Mr. Almost 8′, about the Meaning of Life as we drove home from Tae Kwon Do class. We were talking about space, the Moon, and the future - what he will get to see in his lifetime. I was making predictions for him about the exciting technological and cultural advancements he would get to experience during the course of his life. I spend a great deal of time thinking about the rest of my time in this life with my family, and how their lives will progress as they age.
I kept avoiding saying - “Before you die, you’ll likely see…” and said “Before you get really old…”. While he and I have conversations about death sometimes, he is a very sensitive boy and I don’t want him to think about such heavy topics often. He’s too serious for his age.
We started talking about what a great summer we are going to have - all the things we are going to do as a family - trips to the zoo, Indianapolis Children’s Museum, Kings Island, camping out at Gran & Grandad’s farm, taking an afternoon canoe trip, and a week on a beach in the Carolinas (Yes, I realize that I am blessed/lucky).
I found myself saying, “Connor, that’s what Life is all about. Getting out and having Experiences, Enjoying Life in the Here and Now with People you Love. Living. Being.” As I told him this, it struck me that I had hit upon the Great Secret - the Meaning of Life. It seems so simple, so apparent.
There is very little that is certain for any of us. I know from experience that my life can change in an instant - that everything can be wonderful and five minutes later you can be saddled with a loss and grief that will change the rest of your life. In spite of this, we cannot live every day waiting for the worst to happen. It can, and It may, but until it does, life goes on and there is much good in the world.
Immediately after saying this to my son I was sad for the folks who cannot see that we create the meaning in our lives on a daily basis - the ones who spend their lives as recluses, hating the world, or bitter and lonely, stuck in time - blaming everything on everyone else and taking no responsibility. Or, those who live life as if it were a curse, viewing everything as being filled with sin, and loathing everything ‘of the world’ while pining away for the afterlife.
Believe me, I KNOW what it’s like to have things that break your soul and spirit until you wonder if not existing would be better than living at the bottom of the pit you somehow find yourself in. In the midst of those excruciating moments, if someone had told me what I am saying now, it would have been useless to me. In those moments we are weak, wounded, hurting, and often hopeless. Remembering that there is more to life than what is confronting us at this exact moment is difficult.
It takes time and some amount of perspective to make the meaning in what I am writing at this moment become a realization - a truth that can be internalized and realized rather than merely understood or simply cognizable. It’s an “Ah Ha!” moment, an existential “Eureka!”, and as such, it’s meaning and importance will fade in the midst of adversity and trouble. It will always be difficult to draw Meaning out of our often mundane and sometimes painful daily lives. It takes an exerted effort to focus on the Experience, to distill it into the Moment, and separate the dross from ‘those elements from which we can derive value’ in a crucible of Being - the Alchemy of Meaning.
You can be poverty stricken and still enjoy a walk in the park with your loved ones. You can be sick and still enjoy watching the birds sing through the window. You may be dying and still get pleasure from corny jokes and a thought provoking discussion among friends in a chat room. Life is what we make of it. But it is not easy to adopt this perspective. If it is, grasp that moment and hold onto it. It’s worth savoring.
If you don’t have people in your life to love, or who love you, then you need to seek them out and give love before you expect to receive it. Don’t let the circumstances of your environment dictate how much meaning and satisfaction you derive from Living. It’s easy to let the pain in our body, mind, and heart make you forget that just Being Here, experiencing this thing we call the Universe, is a wonder in and of itself. Sure, it sucks a lot of the time if we think about bills, medical problems, loss, politics, and the myriad other downers we have to deal with. Life is actual very simple. We make it complicated because we choose to.
This morning a good friend shared a blog post titled “A Good Death?” that made me remember my conversation with Connor last night. Dealing with loss, grief, mourning, and how to authentically deal with passing into that Dark Night, I found the writer touched me on so many levels because I could relate. It is a very eloquently written, and singularly human, essay on love, life, and loss. The existential angst captured so beautifully in a way that I have felt so many times myself. I found this paragraph to be the most meaningful and it sparked this blog post:
The fact remains that our moments are slipping away, literally like the sands of the hourglass, and before we know it we will be looking back on our life, trying to come to terms with how we lived, and wondering where all the time went. I want to be able to look back over my life and know that I used my time to have experiences, that I tried to learn and know, that I spent quality time with the ones I loved the most, and that they knew I loved them when we were together.
Don’t let it slip away. Be. Here. Now.